Green Flag Red Flag or Just Emotionally Unavailable
Dating right now is like being blindfolded in a minefield full of situationships. You never know if someone’s going to give you the love of your life or ruin your nervous system for sport.
They reply fast. Then ghost you for 3 days. They call you baby but you’ve never met their friends. They touch you like you matter but talk like you’re just passing time.
So let’s unpack it. Green flags. Red flags. And that murky middle space where someone’s not toxic, just emotionally unavailable as fuck.
What Counts as a Green Flag
Let’s start on a high. Here’s what a healthy human might actually look like:
They follow through — Not just “let’s hang” but actual plans
You feel relaxed around them — Not constantly second guessing
They respect boundaries — Even when they don’t benefit from them
They communicate without mystery — No decoding required
They apologise and change behaviour — Not just words
Green flags feel boring at first if you're used to chaos. But that “boring” is peace. And it usually leads to filthy dependable sex with someone who actually calls the next day.
Counts as a Red Flag
Here’s what’ll fuck you up and not in the fun way:
Inconsistency — Hot one day cold the next
Jealousy disguised as passion — Control is not love
Lack of accountability — “My ex was crazy” but all their exes were “crazy”
Fast-tracking intimacy — Saying “I love you” before learning your last name
They shame your boundaries — Or ignore them completely
Red flags aren’t quirky. They’re warnings. Pay attention before you end up crying over someone who hasn’t even taken their Hinge profile down.
Emotionally Unavailable or Just Not That Into You
Here’s where it gets messy. Someone can have good intentions but be completely closed off. They might not be trying to hurt you — they just don’t have the capacity.
Look out for:
They struggle to talk about feelings — Or avoid it altogether
They crave closeness but pull away once they have it
You feel like you’re the one keeping the connection alive
They distract with sex or humour when shit gets real
They’re almost everything you want — but never quite show up
This one’s hard to spot because they don’t treat you badly. They just don’t let you in. And that creates its own kind of heartbreak.
The Myth of Mixed Signals
They’re not confused. You are.
They’re not complicated. You’re just doing mental gymnastics to justify crumbs.
Mixed signals are often a mask for avoidance. If someone likes you, you’ll know. If you’re unsure, they don’t.
The truth might sting. But it sets you free.
When It’s You Who’s Emotionally Unavailable
Let’s not pretend we’re all saints.
Sometimes you might be the avoidant one. The red flag. The walking "sorry I don't do feelings" t-shirt. Check yourself:
Do you chase people who don’t want you and run from the ones who do?
Do you ghost when things get too real?
Do you feel safer being wanted than being loved?
Do you always need to feel in control?
If any of this hits… congrats. You’re self-aware now. And that’s hot.
How to Spot a Green Flag in the Wild
Here’s what to actually get excited about:
They listen when you talk about your day — and remember details
They check in after sex
They talk about the future and include you in it
They don’t make you earn love with anxiety
You don’t feel like you have to perform to keep them interested
Green flags don’t give you butterflies. They give you a nervous system that isn’t constantly screaming.
So What Do You Do With All This
First — trust what your gut is telling you. If it feels off it probably is.
Second — communicate. Ask the questions. State your needs. Watch how they respond.
Third — stop dating potential. That “if I just give them time they’ll open up” fantasy? Let it go. Find people who are ready now.
And if you’ve already ignored the flags and got your heart stomped on? You’re not broken. You’re just learning. And you’re not alone.