Episode 27 | The Sock Puppet of Shame and The Speed of Sperm | Ironing Out The Kinks Podcast
🔥 Unleashing the Kinks: The Submissive Struggle, Small Penis Anxiety & The Sock Monkey Saga 🐵
Welcome back to another cheeky, unfiltered, and downright hilarious episode of Ironing Out the Kinks! This week, we’re diving headfirst (or maybe just gently teasing 😉) into the world of bedroom dynamics, confidence issues, and—wait for it—sock monkey funerals. 🪦🐵
💥 The Submissive Dilemma: When Your Partner Just Won’t Dominate You
One of our lovely listeners wrote in with a conundrum that many submissives face: what do you do when your partner just isn’t the dominant type? Seven years into a relationship, the spark in the bedroom has fizzled, and despite attempts to communicate her desires for a more dominant experience, her partner just isn’t into it. Even worse, he worries that taking control would be non-consensual or disrespectful. 😬
🍑 Our Kinky Advice:
Build Confidence Slowly – You don’t have to go from vanilla to full-blown BDSM overnight. Start small. A simple “pull my hair” or “hold my throat” mid-session can ease him into the role. 😏
Guide Him with Praise – If he does something remotely dominant, hype him up! “Oh god, I love it when you do that” is a great way to encourage more of the same. 🤤
Textual Foreplay 📲 – Some people struggle with dirty talk in the moment but find it easier over text. Try sexting throughout the day to plant the idea in his head.
Watch Together 🎥 – There’s no harm in suggesting watching that kind of content together. Visual learning works wonders! 👀
🍆 Small Penis Anxiety: The Mind-Killer of Good Sex
A 20-year-old lad wrote in, stressing that his less-than-large member has stopped him from ever having sex. He’s turned down opportunities left and right, worried that he won’t measure up (literally). The kicker? He’s never actually measured it. 📏
👀 Reality Check:
Most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone—only about 18% do. So, size isn’t even the main event; it’s a supporting act at best! 🎭
Foreplay is King 👑 – If you can master oral and use your hands well, she won’t care if you’re packing six inches or three.
Sexual Chemistry > Inches – Women care more about connection, confidence, and skill than your measurements. 🔥
Fake it 'til You Make It – The biggest issue here is self-perception. Confidence is sexier than anything else. 😎
So, dear listener, ditch the self-doubt and just go for it. If the chemistry is right, she won’t care about your size—just how you use it. 💃
🐵 The Sock Monkey Story: An Erotic Horror Tale
Strap in for one of the wildest submissions we've ever received. A listener confessed that when he was 13, his mum bought him a Build Your Own Sock Monkey kit. One thing led to another, and well… he had a very intimate experience with said sock monkey. 🤦♂️
Feeling immediate remorse, he did what any reasonable person would do—buried the poor monkey in the back garden like a fallen soldier. 🪦
Years later, his dog dug it up and proudly carried it back into the house. 🐶
His mum had questions. He had no answers.
🥴 Takeaways:
If your pet ever brings something back inside, DO NOT CLAIM IT.
The best way to avoid awkward family conversations? Don’t f*ck a sock monkey.
🤔 Would You Rather: Sexy or Revolting?
This week’s Would You Rather had us deep in a moral dilemma:
Would you rather only have sex with people you find revolting—but the sex is phenomenal OR only have sex with people you find extremely attractive—but the sex is dreadful?
After much soul-searching, we decided that bad sex with hot people wins. At least we could still enjoy the visuals while silently regretting our choices. 🥲
🔥 Final Thoughts & Get Involved!
Got a question, confession, or wild sex story? We want to hear it! Submit yours at IOTK.fun and you might just end up featured on the next episode. 🥵
And don’t forget—if you’re looking to spice things up, check out our friends at Pulse and Cocktails. Use our code IOTK for 15% off their amazing collection of sex toys, lingerie, and more. 🍑🍆
Follow us on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and Facebook (@ironingoutthekinks) for exclusive clips, behind-the-scenes content, and general debauchery. 😈
Until next time—stay filthy, stay fun, and maybe keep your sock monkeys safely out of reach. 🙃