Sneeze Powered Teleportation and The Orgasm Grenade
This week on Ironing Out the Kinks, we’re slipping deep into the noise complaints, nipple slips, and chaotic sexcapades you lot keep confessing to. We’re talking moaning neighbours, public indecency near a Travelodge, toe-sucking trauma, and the time Chelsea left Luke baffled by the phrase “dick sand.”
From toe-curling voice notes to our usual dose of listener filth, this one’s as juicy as your favourite lube bottle. Let's dive in. 💦
🔊 “Sorry I moaned too loud…” — No You're Not
We kick things off with a voice note from a listener whose noisy night of passion ended with a neighbour knocking on the door. And when the moaner answered… she moaned again.
No shame. No apology. Just raw, unfiltered chaos. We respect the dedication to the bit 😂
We’ve all been there — the thin-walled flats, the echoing headboards, the unholy acoustics of IKEA furniture. But this babe? She owned it. Let’s give her a round of applause… and maybe a soundproof headboard.
🍆 “My mate lost her virginity in a Travelodge…”
Classic confession territory: budget hotels, questionable choices, and a partner who lasted shorter than the kettle boil.
We read out a confession about losing virginity in a Travelodge (already iconic) followed by the lad coming in the condom as he was putting it on. 😳
We laughed. We cried. We wished this legend better sex in future.
And let this be a reminder — losing your virginity doesn’t have to be a firework show. Sometimes it’s a damp sparkler in Luton. And that’s okay.
👣 Toe Sucking Gone Wrong
Ever had someone suck your foot and forget to ask first?
This one’s for the trauma survivors. Chelsea recounts the horror of an unsolicited toe slurp that still haunts her dreams. It's the kind of kink miscommunication that makes you want to wear Doc Martens in bed.
If you’re into feet, go for it. But always check they are too. Consent isn’t just for dungeons, darling.
😵 “Dick Sand” – A Concept Luke Can’t Cope With
We introduced Luke to the concept of dick sand — that moment when someone’s sex game is so strong you lose all sense of logic, self-worth, and usually your mates.
Luke’s face said it all: confusion, fear, maybe a touch of jealousy.
We’ve all had a brush with dick sand. One minute you’re a boss bitch, the next you’re cancelling plans and Googling “his star sign compatibility with mine.”
Get out of the sand, babe. There's better cock out there.
🎤 Listener Confession Hall of Shame
Some faves from this week’s confessions:
A voice note about a too-loud orgasm and an awkward walk of shame 🫣
A guy who told his boss about our podcast and now can’t make eye contact
A submissive listener who got so flustered they called their Dom “mum” — and still survived to tell the tale
We love your chaos. Keep it coming. Preferably with a safe word.
🎧 Listen Now
Get your weekly fix of filth:
🖤 Submit Your Own Kink
Got a wild confession? Sexy question? Kink you want decoded?
Submit it anonymously here — we won’t judge (much).